Fucken retardations

So i was fucken completely aware of the water being on the window shelf (wich i myself would never put there) Alia put it there and its normal to do that.  BUT alas I woke up alia and went to close the window and i put my laptop down in a different spot than usual and I was just cautious about alia and then i closed the window and the fucken plastic heavy curtains knocked the water down. ITs like I always do this i always focus so hard on being careful with one thing that i fuck up the other thing and it causes some stupid ass problem.  Thank god my laptop wasnt put closer or i wouldve been out of a 1500 dollar macbook.  How fucken gay. I HAVE THIS FUCKEN RETARDATION where i cant focus on 2 things at once, and if one thing is threatening on my mind i will end up fucking up.  Its so stupid its almost unaavoudable and i cant stop myself before i do it to change my ways because its usually so sudden and uch a suprise to me when it happens.  I need to somehow figure out how to get past this fucken retardation.  It only happens when alias around i dont even know why its so fucken retarded.  Its not like id leave her because she creates this retarded thing in me, but I need to be EXTRA cautious when shes around.  I love her and i know it wasnt her fault but i need stop being to caring and not remove problems or stop myself when shes around and i see somthing that could go wrong.  When shes around i or when theres anything that has to do with her i need to be extra cautios. WHEN i feel the cautiousness tfeeling going though me when i am in the vicinity of Alia i need to  stop myself and rememver to be xtra cautious because she has some kind of wierd power to create these kinds of events.  It always happens i dont know why.  I think she thrives in enviroments where other people are having hard times and fucken making mistakes because it greater validates how much better she thinks she is than everybody so she encourages it to happen. Its fucken gross im never like this i know it has to be Alia ive already got that much down.  But even people who have wierd powers A person can still disable those weak powers.  I need to disable that power in her.  So we can have a better relationship and these things will stop happening.  It was a decent suprise id have to admit.